Size Doesn't Matter

I'm not referring to phallic length or girth, so forget about that. I'm speaking of cell phone technology, and the morons at Verizon.

Recently, I upgraded phones. I went from a standard flip with serious battery issues to one that is basically a hybrid of a Sidekick and a Blackberry. It flips, but not in the way to which I'm accustomed. The side opens to reveal a small but comprehensive keyboard.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what this is for. I text-message copiously, but the iTap function was easy enough for me to handle. Now, with this new waste of engineering, you'd think that the keyboard would expedite the non-urgent ramblings that really comprise the bulk of my texting. Not so. I never use it, nor do I foresee an instance in which I would come to see it as indispensable.

Here's another thing: this phone is not MS-friendly. Cracking open the manifold is a pain in the ass, and the keyboard, would it not be utterly useless, does not make anything easier. So prying open the phone makes no sense. I'm not sending scrolls of text with the thing, and the tiny buttons do nothing but infuriate me, and would preclude this anyway.

What do I like about this phone? The flash for the camera. That's it. My old phone, to which I'm going to revert once the idiots at Verizon technical support get their shit together and make this possible, has no flash, but it is not bulky or rage-inducing. It does what phones are supposed to do.

Plus, with it I can act like Leonardo DiCaprio's character in The Departed and send surreptitious texts from my pocket.

And it has internet access already, so I can breathe with less rage and still keep my street cred by using it with my Touch, although the entire debacle makes me more willing to sell my soul and get an iPhone.

Seriously, fuck Verizon. That company needs to atone for the unnecessary anger it incites in me.

R