"Today I Settle All Family Business"

So said Michael Corleone in The Godfather, played by a young Al Pacino, who kept his volatility behind his eyes rather than behind a strong exhale and an explosive tirade that has become the old Pacino's trademark. He had just presided as godfather at his sister Connie's son's baptism, an occasion that he used to "settle all family business." This meant murder. Vengeful, anonymous, quiet (for him, at least), murder. I'd like to do him one better and eschew the messy killing, but I still want to settle my own personal business finally and forever.

I will no longer hold any grudges. This is really easy for me to do, because I honestly have no grudges. Such is the beauty of apathy. You learn not to give a shit about most everything and anything. Why preoccupy yourself when it's so much easier to forget? You're thinking, "Don't you mean 'forgive and forget'?" No, prig, I mean the latter only. The former is not practical. Let's face it. You can't decide, apropos of nothing, simply to forgive an atrocious transgression. It's not real. If someone who you really want to strangle flashes you a smile, I figure you have two options. You can pretend not to see him/her, or you can flag him/her down and deliver a healthy open-hand slap in face. Or you can ignore the gesture completely and go on your merry way. Actually, that's three.

In certain instances, I am not opposed to physical violence. Sometimes you have to go a little crazy because you're so pissed off that words could not possibly do what you want them to do. Unless you're like me, and possess an acerbic tongue that can unflinchingly release a trenchant, perfectly placed, devastating insult. In that case, words work as well as fists. Wait--I think that makes a fourth option. Whatever. You get my drift. If not, you're too dense to drift, and will remain perplexed, furrowing your brow in non-thought.

But I'm done with all of that (for the most part--if provoked, I will reflexively react). My new modus operandi is staunch apathy. If I've done anything to piss you off, get over it. Rub some dirt on it, as a high school football coach would say, and resume whatever it is you were doing.

The other side of this is that I'll do the same, though this will be very easy for me to do because I already don't care. One of the things I've been told to avoid, with regard to the MS, is stress. "Can do" was my internal interjection when I was advised to do this by my doctor. For better or worse, I don't care about petty squabbling or backbiting. Why bother?, I figure. I honestly can't think of a reason to get all hot and bothered over something that someone else says. Does--well, that's a different story.

Words, though, don't bother me, for the most part. Say what you will, because I truly don't give a shit. If this whole MS onus has taught me anything, it's to ignore anything that may trouble me unnecessarily. Thus, prattle yourself into a fugue state, but know that I stopped listening, and caring, a long time ago.

Therefore, I have to insist on your forgetting about any grudges you may hold against me. I've done a lot of stupid shit over the years, so if you'd like a personal apology, I'd advise you not to hold your breath while waiting for one. Because it's not coming.

There is no acrimony in this sentiment, though. Apathy sounds like a very juvenile attitude. It may be, but it's the most true one that I can offer. I'm not going to apologize, and I don't expect any such apologies in return. In fact, I can't think of a particular one that I would hope to hear, because I have, most likely, forgotten what it is I'm supposed to be angry about.

So today I've decided to let whatever frivolous quarreling may have existed in the minds of others (as I've said, I don't care one way or another). And I promise that you won't be shot in the eye while getting a back massage. Or strangled with garrote wire when you think you're in the clear.

You're in the clear--I swear. So am I, for that matter. I've decreed it.

R
--I think I'm uncharacteristically buoyant, though very characteristically aloof, because I finished my first book today. For the most part. I'll leave the editing to others, and hope the release won't be relegated strictly to posthumousness.