PETA is a PITA

Not the delicious Middle Eastern bread. The animal-rights group is a major Pain In The Ass.

Michael Vick was released this week after a year and a half in prison. Yeah, his illegal dog-fighting league was despicable, but I don't think he deserved 18 months in prison. I mean, dogs aren't exactly humans, no matter what people like my mother would say. Thus, we shouldn't elevate them in status. A dog is a dog. Don't get me wrong--I like dogs, but this is true.

Vick left the Atlanta Falcons finally in the middle of 2007 in the midst of all the hubbub surrounding his indictment. Then he became a free agent, and, after serving his sentence, will play for the Philadelphia Eagles in 2009.

Not to digress again, but this is infuriating for me, a Chicago Bears fan. Hopefully Cutler will prove to be a functional quarterback, but I'm extremely pessimistic when it comes to the Bears and quarterbacks. Even Jim McMahon, the quarterback at the helm of the 1985 Bears--perhaps the most dominant team in NFL history--wasn't a superstar. He was more of a workhorse, but that's the Chicago way: work over luck. Anyways, we haven't had a marquee quarterback, like, ever (Cade McNown was the closest we ever came, but he was a complete dud). Now Philadelphia has two? Remember, Donovan McNabb is still the starting QB. Damn, that's unfair.

Anyways, PETA publicly denounced Vick upon his release. What do they want? The man did his time, admirably. When asked if the organization had forgiven Vick, and perhaps the two could do some joint charity thing, Lisa Lange, the Senior VP of PETA, said,

"We met with Michael Vick back before he went to prison. And he lied to us, as he lied to so many other people, about his actions, basically saying he didn't have anything directly to do with it, that he didn't do anything to his own pets. And later it came out that he actually threw some of his pets to the pit bulls and watched as they were ripped apart."

I'll admit--I laughed out loud at that last sentence. How can these people take themselves so seriously that they can't see how absurd they are acting? I suspect they had miserable childhoods made less miserable because of their dogs/cats/whatever, and now they raise a ruckus when they hear of any crime against their beloved animals.

Put down the knitting needles and the scrap of yarn that will eventually be a doggy snowsuit, and make use of that shiny thing in your bathroom. (It's called a "mirror.") You look ridiculous, PETA-member, so please show some dignity and take pride in your own taxonomic bracket. Humans are fun, sometimes. We can be dicks, but so can dogs.

Someone needs to remake Cujo, and then maybe we'll all give Michael Vick a break (not that he really needs it).

R