This may seem like an excuse for me to be bitter and vindictive. In college and afterward, I dated actresses. I assure you, though, that I'm not trying to slip in a snide barb directed at their pipe dreams. As a matter of fact, I'll focus primarily on male actors and their inferior intellects. Some former girlfriends would take issue with my use of the word "actress" to refer to female actors, but screw it. I hate political correctness when it renders certain subjects objectionable when there is nothing to object to. Hence, female actors are "actresses." Get used to it, even though I'll talk about the other gender.
Everyone mentions Robert DeNiro as one of the great actors of his generation. Fine. I have no issue here, but you must acknowledge that he's also one of the great boneheads of his generation. Thankfully, he doesn't give many interviews. I suspect this is due to his publicist, who understands that you might realize, finally, that he's as dumb as a canary. If you ever watch him in the middle of an interview, you can see the wrinkles of confusion form on his forehead. He doesn't know how to respond to a simple question, and instead recites, by rote, an answer that doesn't really reply to that question.
When politics get involved, watch out. I like Sean Penn, and admit that he has performed remarkably in a few of his movies. However, any cache of credibility that he has built up gets leveled when he opens his mouth. The man cannot give a weighty interview without looking like an idiot. His reticence hides any overt, glaring idiocy that may spill from his lips. Nothing he says about national politics has new insight. He simply recites, by rote, a handful of buzzwords and trite cliches that are meant to whip the crowd into a frenzy. When Bush was president, we heard about Katrina and economic inequality and Iraq. Yes, he was an abysmal president, but you should be able to speak articulately why this is if you're courting the cameras of the national media. When you're Sean Penn, and prone to repeated catchphrases as much as the man you're lambasting, you should at least be able to form a simple declarative sentence and deliver it easily. Without maneuvers of distraction that you're criticizing Bush for.
I had an innocuous exchange with my friend Jess about the true stupidity of actors, which motivated this post, and I felt the need to say, finally, actors are dumb and worthy of mockery, not adulation. They get accolades like Academy Awards &/or some other golden trophy of distinction. My simple rejoinder is that Gary Busey has a Golden Globe. Game, set, and match.
People frequently think about actors as untouchable emblems of art. This is bullshit, and actually insulting to the person who actually wrote the words that the actors are reciting. I constantly hear about Marlon Brando's iconic performance as Stanley Kowalski in Elia Kazan's film adaptation of A Streetcar Named Desire. He did a fine job of delivering Tennessee Williams's words, but we should not neglect the brilliance of the playwright.
This happens all the time whenever I'm forced to suffer through a dramatic production of a Shakespeare play. Any interpretation of his words make them lose some of their impact. The worst unflappable demolition man in this regard is Kenneth Branagh. His glib, over-the-top but still insufficient movies never make you forget that a much better version of the debacle you're watching lies on your bookshelf (if you're halfway literate). I can't watch more than thirty seconds of his Hamlet without jumping for the remote control. Less infuriating, but just as pathetic, is his musical version of Love's Labours Lost. I won't elaborate, but you'll have to take my word for it that it's a steaming pile of shit.
I haven't figured out whether or not this phenomenon applies to actresses. Meryl Streep, for instance, is constantly offered as the high-water mark of acting. This may be true, and this is edified further by her reticence and shyness when it comes to press interviews and, thus, politics. I also don't think she has written a banal children's book, so she may also have dodged that entrapment that has caught so many previously-esteemed actors.
Julianne Moore, I'm looking in your direction.
R
